Argh!

In short, I'm worried to death about grad school.

I wasn't worried at all for a long time, really I wasn't. I was calm and at peace about the whole thing. "God has a plan," I said. And I believed it. My heart was not troubled or in a constant state of unrest (which is saying something for me, who always has to have a plan for her life).

But, a few nights ago I had a dream. I dreamed that UT Houston (one of the schools I've applied to) sent me a letter saying that I wasn't invited to be interviews (the next step I must take with each of my schools). Which...okay, a little saddening, but nothing big. But, in addition to that, they sent me copies of all my application materials with red marks and notes on them, telling me what I had done wrong, and how, if I had just used this word instead of that one, I would have gotten in. There was a whole page dedicated to the grievous errors of my resume.

Looking back, the idea of a school doing this is, of course, actually kind of funny. But, ever since I've had that dream, my attitude towards this entire process could not be more different than the one I formally held on to so "well." I'm not sure if I've actually been nervous this whole time and was just really good at hiding it from myself, or if my mind seriously got freaked out after my dream. In any event, I'm expecting news any day from my 8 grad schools about whether or not I'm invited to interview with them.

Really, what I want more than anything is just to know. If a school doesn't want me, that's cool. I just want to know so that I can start focusing my attention and energy elsewhere. I want to know so that I can start planning out the rest of my life. But, I guess, as usual, God has other ideas for me.

His are probably better anyway.